Search Results

5 Ways to Practice “The Pause” in Parenting During a parent coaching session this week, a mom I work with shared an anecdote about blowing up at her child who was trying to get her help with something while she was trying to complete an email.  “This is not how I want to show up for my kids,” she said after recalling the incident.  Snapping at her child clashed with values she holds dear. She was keen to identify ways to avoid angry responses like these. Sound familiar?  We’ve all been there.  With so many demands on our time, our kids often bear the brunt of our impatience and overwhelm.  Just like we’re a safe place for them to melt down, the reverse is often just as true.   I was so grateful for this mom’s honesty and vulnerability in bringing this up to our small group.  We all want to be seen as tranquil, patient parents with endless time and compassion, but the reality is that a constant chorus of “Mom, Mom, Mom, Mom” on repeat—always seemingly at a time when we’re focused on some other time- sensitive project— would make even Mother Theresa blow a gasket.   Lois almost had it! The truth is… wait for it… we can’t control our kids’ behavior.  Grrrrr. Only our own. When we sense the guillotine coming down on our patience and that angry cloud begins to envelop our brain, it’s easy to snap.   We are only human beings, after all.  (Not human doings, this mom said, which I thought was brilliant.)  That snap happens because our brain’s flight-or-flight center (the amygdala) takes over, leading to impulsive reactions that don’t align with our values. Practicing the Pause Learning to pause before reacting takes practice, but it’s a game changer.  The goal is to keep the rational part of your brain (the pre-frontal cortex) online, inhibiting that pesky amygdala from kicking in and causing us to blow our tops.  Here are five ways to practice “The Pause”: 1)  Square Breathing : AKA box breathing, this is a simple deep-breathing technique that helps calm your body and mind. It’s easy: inhale for four counts, hold for four, exhale for four, and hold again for four. Repeat a few cycles to reduce stress and center yourself. There’s a reason Navy SEALs  use this method to stay grounded under pressure. 2) Meditation or prayer:  Taking a quiet moment for prayer or meditation can help you find inner strength and patience. This practice can bring a sense of peace and help you stay grounded when things feel overwhelming.  If you believe in a higher power, a simple pause to ask for guidance can lead to an impactful mindset change. 3) Yoga or Chi Gong : Mindful movement, like yoga or chi gong, is a great way to reconnect with yourself and get your brain back on track. Whether it’s a few vinyasa flows or some simple sun salutations, moving your body with intention can make all the difference when you’re feeling stressed.  There’s a reason these powerful movements have been around for thousands of years! 4) Mindful Walking : Connect with nature by stepping outside for a brief walk, paying attention to the sensation of each step. Focus on your breath and your surroundings. This simple practice helps you clear your mind and feel more grounded. 5)  Journaling: Grab a notebook and take a few minutes to write down what’s on your mind. Don’t worry about what comes out—just let the words flow. Journaling helps you process emotions and gain clarity, which can keep you from reacting impulsively. Practicing the Pause (sp sp another word for mindfulness) rewires your brain, allowing you to respond  in line with your values instead of your emotions.   The more we engage in “The Pause,” the better equipped we are to stay calm and composed, even in the most stressful situations and parenting moments.

“She was six months pregnant when her husband died of an overdose,” my client Lisa told me about a dear friend as she lamented the guilt she felt for her own good fortune, which included a beautiful new daughter of her own, a husband she adores, and family that is close-by and supportive. “I have everything I could have imagined for myself and yet I feel afraid to celebrate it too much because— what if?” Guilt and fear. Waiting for the other shoe to drop. Not feeling worthy of our own good fortune. Why is this such a common feeling for so many?  Guilt for having something others might desire. Fear of a catastrophe waiting around the corner. How does this hold us back from basking in the joy of moments of goodness? Yes, bad things happen, but fear and guilt are robbing us of the joy we deserve to experience right now. So, how do we stay in the present? How do we stay in appreciation for everything that is good while feeling worthy of the desires we want and deserve? How do we feel worthy? How do we get our brains into the realization that, “Yes, damnit! I deserve joy. I deserve fulfillment. I deserve happiness. I am enough!”  How can we hold space for that friend who is suffering AND feel joyful at the same time. If you can relate, here are five simple steps towards banishing fear and guilt: If you believe in a higher power— God, the Universe, Allah—thank Him/ Her/ Them/ It for all of your good fortune. It is well-documented that people who have strong feelings of appreciation and gratitude are happier and have better well-being than those who struggle with gratitude.    Wish for what you want, know that you deserve to get it, and go get it, unapologetically.  The universe is rooting for you, and you have more angels on your shoulder than you know. No more ignoring that niggling ache because you are too busy to deal. Get that massage. Make that doctor appointment. Your body does keep the score and it’s the only one you’re going to get, so take care of it, and it will take care of you. Connect with the people who make you feel good and lift you up— people who love you want the best for you. The power of human connection on our health— physical and mental— is well-documented.  Be there for your friends  when they are suffering— they’ll be there for you when you need them.  While you should absolutely celebrate your own successes, that friend who lost her husband— be there for her.  Shine your own loving light on her.  Her own light will appear at the end of the dark tunnel she is in, and she  will be there for you when you enter your own tunnel at some point. Hold space for her sorrow while believing in her ability to overcome.  Things can suck AND also be beautiful.   Such is the dichotomy of this crazy life that we are all living. That light you are spreading will come back to you in spades when and if you every need it.  The antidote to guilt and fear lives within this recipe: gratitude, big dreams, belief in the possible, connection with others and the care and keeping of YOU.

At the risk of stating the obvious: Feeling stuck sucks. We’ve all been there. You wake up, go through the motions: unloading the dishwasher, folding the laundry, driving the kids around, clocking into the same job that maybe you’ve grown to resent… You feel rudderless, disconnected from your sense of purpose— a sense of malaise coloring your life while everyone around you seems to have it all figured out.  This can be incredibly isolating. You Are Not Alone If you identify with this feeling and want to fix it, here are three brave moves to put you on the path to getting unstuck while not becoming unglued. Often, we're afraid to voice feelings of stuckness or discontent. It’s a vulnerable thing to admit.  We fear that expressing our true feelings might be too disruptive to those who rely on us. Sometimes doing nothing to make change seems easier than making a life-changing course correction that will bring you joy and fulfillment. You may feel guilt about inconveniencing a colleague or a spouse who have relied on you to stay the course.  No more pretending! Speak up about how you're really feeling.  Anyone who cares about you will not want you to feel so miserable. Maybe they're oblivious to the fact that your status quo is chipping away at your quality of life and possibly even your health, dragging your soul down with it!  Don’t short change yourself. You deserve fulfillment!   Remember, you have to crack some eggs to make the perfect omelette. Be bold about naming what you want and going after it. ( See 6 Ways to Manifest Anything You Desire .) The answer lies within you. You have so much more power and insight than you may realize. Take small steps every day towards understanding and defining your purpose and what makes you feel satisfied. Yes, YOU can do it, but sometimes we all need a little help. This is where a coach, trusted friend or therapist can be invaluable in helping you shed feelings of guilt or complacency and take tangible steps on your path to fulfillment, as well as helping you define what you really want. Someone like this can provide an objective perspective and help you understand your feelings better. They can help you navigate the ups and downs, the uncertainties, and the fears. Remember, you're not alone in this journey.  If you're feeling stuck and need someone to walk beside you, I'm here and would love to help you find your key to fulfillment. Together, we can explore your path to joy, satisfaction, and a life of purpose.

Life is complex and often presents us with challenges that we struggle to navigate on our own. This is where coaching comes in. Coaching is not about telling you what to do, but about helping you uncover your own solutions to problems, and breaking down seemingly overwhelming challenges into manageable pieces. The Role of a Coach A coach is like a navigation partner. They don't drive the car; you're in the driver’s seat. Instead, they help you map out your route, avoiding roadblocks and finding the best path towards your destination. A coach asks the right questions that spark your thinking and allow you to come to conclusions that are best suited to your unique situation. The Impact of Coaching A global study by the International Coaching Federation found that 89 percent of individuals who have experienced coaching reported satisfaction with the experience and 96 percent of those who had a formal coaching engagement would repeat the process. Often, we find ourselves stuck in certain areas of our lives. It might be a cluttered desk that’s causing stress, or a difficult decision that you’ve been putting off. These are areas where a coach can help. Coaching can help you address these points of 'stuckness' and find ways to move forward. Once you start untangling these knots, you often find that it leads to positive changes in other areas of your life. Addressing one challenge can open up new avenues for growth and lead to profound shifts in your mindset and overall wellbeing. Coaching vs Therapy While coaching is different from therapy, more and more mental health providers are encouraging their clients to complement their psychotherapy work with coaching to create sustainable well-being through actionable plans that support behavior change and personal growth— what coaching helps deliver.  While therapy often looks to the past to heal old wounds, coaching is about looking forward. It's about setting goals and taking action. It's about empowering you to take control of your life and make the changes you want to see. The effectiveness of coaching has been noted serious academic journals  like the J ournal of Clinical Psychology and The Journal of Technology in Behavioral Science, which reported that 58 percent of people who started coaching with symptoms of depression experienced clinical recovery after at least one session with a coach and saw a 76 percent increase in their well-being overall.   The Journal of Technology in Behavioral Science reported that 58 percent of people who started coaching with symptoms of depression experienced clinical recovery after at least one session with a coach and saw a 76 percent increase in their well-being overall.   This is because Action creates Traction, and coaching is all about helping people take small, incremental steps to improve their well-being. End Goal: Fulfillment, Purpose and Satisfaction If you find yourself feeling rudderless, disconnected from your sense of purpose, or simply going through the motions without joy or fulfillment, consider coaching. It could be the tool you need to help you navigate your life's challenges and move towards a more satisfying, fulfilled life.

My client Ashley is an admitted perfectionist who fears releasing anything into the world until it has met a standard that even a Harvard professor would look at and say, “Girlfriend, you’re good!”   Ashley is a busy mom with two athletic kids who rely on her for rides to countless sports practices and games— not to mention tutoring sessions, play dates and school events.  On top of this, Ashley, who is charge of all of the household responsibilities for her family, also has a demanding deadline-intensive job— as well as things she wants to accomplish and do that actually bring her joy, like spending time with friends and taking care of herself! She came to me feeling a general lack of “joie de vivre” in her life.  She was unable to appreciate all of the amazing things she does  accomplish each day and, instead, she was plagued with self-doubt and judgement about the long list of things she couldn’t get to.   In short, Ashley was paralyzed by her overwhelm, resulting in stagnation.  She was lost in what I like to call, the Bermuda Triangle of Prioritization, Perfectionism and Procrastination.   Together, Ashley and I embarked on a series of “White Board Sessions” that helped her tame her endless to do list (and along with it, her inner critic), making her feel more in control, mentally organized, and happier.  Ashley told me it felt like she had hired a professional organizer for her brain.    The following are the five steps Ashley and I employed to overcome her overwhelm to put her on the pathway to productivity and purpose. (Read about Conquering Overwhelm in more detail here. ): If Ashley’s story resonates with you, click here to schedule a complimentary discovery call .   I would be honored to help put you  on the path to productivity and purpose.

Are you paralyzed by your to-do list?  Is your mind so overloaded with ideas and tasks that you’re having a hard time figuring out how or where and when to execute and prioritize them?   You are not alone.   My client, Ashley , a busy working mom, and self-admitted perfectionist, came to me feeling a general lack of “joie de vivre” in her life. She was unable to appreciate all of the amazing things she does  accomplish each day and, instead, she was plagued with self-doubt and judgement about the long list of things she couldn’t get to.   In short, Ashley was paralyzed by her overwhelm.  She was lost in the Bermuda Triangle of Prioritization, Perfectionism and Procrastination.   The following are the five steps Ashley and I employed to overcome her overwhelm to put her on the pathway to productivity and purpose.  Click Here to learn more about Ashley’s results .  On top of all the mission critical things she was getting done every day, the things Ashley wasn’t getting to gave her a feeling of guilt and deep anxiety— the shirt she needed to return to the store, the insurance claim she needed to file, the sprinkler system she needed to restart for the summer…  All super boring, unfulfilling tasks, to be sure, but ones that were causing Ashley serious mental clutter and contributing to her feeling of overall malaise in life.  She had lost her sense of purpose— a clear view of the most important goals in her life , as well as the biggest pain points she needed to address to make her overall life happier and rediscover her sense of well-being.  Once these were defined, we had a foundation for decision-making about what tasks and projects were truly important, what she could delegate, and what she could simply blow off— yes, some of those action items got wiped away! During this session, it was unbelievably helpful to use a white board to get everything out of Ashley’s head and into one central place where we could see it in all of its glory.  Not only did Ashley have the mundane stuff she needed to get done, but the process allowed her to tap into bigger, more fulfilling things she wanted to tackle that would give her a sense of purpose and help her achieve some of the life objectives that would ultimately bring her happiness.  A visual representation brought clarity to the overwhelm that was plaguing Ashley’s psyche.  (If you don’t have a whiteboard—you can order one very easily on Amazon, or just use a blank sheet of paper to get you going.).  Once Ashley had all of her ideas and tasks expunged from her brain and onto the White Board, she could categorize them under the bigger life goals they aligned with. (See #1 above.) This allowed Ashley to see the direct connections between her to-do list and her biggest goals. From here, Ashley was able to start to prioritize her ideas and tasks based on those that had the highest and best outcomes for achieving her goals and making her a happy human.  And in the course of this, Ashley was able to realize some other, more important priorities that involved her own self-care that trumped the mundane things she was dreading. Having a list of prioritized tasks is a great start, but without deadlines, they're just good intentions.  That said, to tame the overwhelm, I insisted that Ashley give herself a lot of grace in checking all her boxes.  Ashley set  realistic  deadlines for executing her list.  After our initial White Board sesh, Ashley and I checked in every week, to see where she was, adjust deadlines as appropriate, and talk through things that were still stumping her.  Ashley appreciated the accountability that the check-ins brought her and she was finding that, some weeks, she was accomplishing way more than she initially set out to.  I was noticing her entire demeanor change.  She was more confident, was holding her shoulders back and her head higher, and she reported feeling a much greater sense of well-being.  Lastly, the key to Ashley’s success was the time she deliberately set aside in her busy schedule to execute all the things she wanted to- large and small, boring and exciting.  Ashley also figured out that she  actually didn’t have to do all the the things on her list. She was able to delegate many of the items to her kids and her husband, freeing up her time to get the things she really loves and enjoys This dedicated time on the calendar was a non-negotiable for Ashley, and she treated it with the same reverence and respect she would a work responsibility.   Through the whole process, Ashley figured out that overcoming her overwhelm was not about doing more. It was about doing more of what matters.  By identifying her biggest goals, whiteboarding her ideas, categorizing and prioritizing, setting deadlines and scheduling time for execution, Ashley slowly became a new woman.

Are you intrigued by the concept of "manifesting"? While we all harbor dreams and desires, it's natural to wonder if they can truly materialize. What if I told you they can?  You are meant to be happy, content, and fulfilled.  If you find yourself lacking in these areas, fear not. Here are six transformative methods to set you on the journey of manifesting your deepest desires. First, it's crucial to create an environment of tranquility and peace . Is your desk cluttered? Are there piles of your children’s art sitting in eyesight that make you feel a niggle of guilt? We all have those “I’ll get to it later” piles, but many times those seemingly innocuous piles are creating stress without our even know it, draining our energy and subconsciously stressing us out. Clear the clutter.   Make the environment where you work, a den of Zen, where you can achieve your highest and best outcomes.    Does this feel daunting to you?  Do you need help putting one foot in front of the other to start this process? If so, contact me . Find a quiet and tranquil  spot where you can go to close your eyes and clear your mind. I like to start with an intention. Do I want a clear mind so I can write blog posts that will provide meaningful help to people? Am I about to work with my child in tackling a problem they’re trying to overcome and want to show up for them with patience and love? Or am I just feeling complete overwhelm and need to take a five minute breather? Next, focus on your breath.  When thoughts come up, acknowledge them and let them go. This meditative state allows you to tap into your inner voice and, if you believe in them, your spirit guides who have your back. Taking time out to breathe and enjoy the quiet is a great next step in starting to manifesting your desires. Now that your mind is clear and your workspace is tranquil, take a few moments to write about what you want and how you might achieve it. Don't hold back—nothing is out of reach!  Whether it's a daily view of mountains, a new job with better pay, or mending a relationship, write it all down. Let your pen guide you, and you'll be surprised by the creativity and ideas that come from your wise inner voice. Next, identify 2-3 small actions you can take towards achieving your goals. Set realistic deadlines for yourself, hold yourself accountable ( or find a partner to help with this ), and reward yourself when you’ve checked a tough box. Your actions can be as simple as having a coffee with a friend who can offer advice or contacts, or making a call to a realtor who handles homes with mountain views.  Remember: action creates traction. When you feel insecure or stuck, remind yourself that you are safe and capable. You have the potential to achieve anything you set your mind to. If you find yourself stuck, return to step one and repeat the process. (Also, check out this post about “ Three Brave Ways to get Unstuck .) The key is to remain patient and persistent.  Forgive yourself if you stumble and just keep going! Lastly, remember that anything is possible if you believe  and make small, incremental efforts toward your goals. Keep this belief strong and vibrant, and you'll find that anything you desire can become a reality.